May 2013
heartless:
It’s annoying when you are fucking fed up with someone’s shit but you don’t want to start something so you have to pretend like you don’t care
iroh:
mp3s that have like 30 seconds of silence at the end of the song
theres always that one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder
April 2013
noemail:
sometimes I get really excited about the future and get motivated to do things but sometimes I just want to be a house cat you feel
meladoodle:
try to close someone’s eyes like a corpse when you’re bored of talking to them
unfollower:
timoodles:
there is a town called sandwich in massachusetts
there are literally police cars labelled sandwich police
i live in Cumming don’t talk to me
meladoodle:
*flicks through photo album* ahh yes this… this was the first dickpic your grandfather ever sent me
bombliate:
do u ever listen to a song and u can just tell the singer has a beard
theangryviolinist:
do re mi fa so done with this semester
the-po-po:
I feel like Amanda Bynes and Justin Bieber are competing to see who can have the funniest downward spiral
colfersaurusrex:
I couldn’t care less about your religion or sexual orientation or race or whether you’re a virgin or have slept with 400 people or have done time in jail
but the moment you eat my leftovers without asking that’s when i decide you’re a terrible person
forever:
i like staying up at unhumanly hours but i also like getting 12 hours of sleep do u see my problem
pizzaforpresident:
seinfelcl:
[i tap the microphone in front of me] i think [my voice echos throughout the huge stadium] its time….. to stop quoting mean girls. thank you [i exit the stage]
[shouts from back] she doesn’t even go here!
chickensandwich:
arekelly:
chickensandwich:
why is cold a thing
according to physics there is no “cold” only absense of heat
geek ass bitch go do a sudoku puzzle
this ain’t a scene it’s a god damn
gorrestfump:
if u cant handle me at my worst then i completely understand bc i cant either
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
*christopher columbus arrives in america* “lol first” he writes in the sand
day after prom: Emily and 564 friends have changed their profile pictures
leonmcgann:
i don’t wanna go to parties, i just wanna be invited to them
white girl in any movie: my dad said to only use this credit card for emergencies
white girl in any movie: and this is an emergency *opens doors to mall*
australiansanta:
like 95% of my daily vocabulary is ‘what’
attains:
attains:
if i were a murderer i’d be the febreze murderer and lead my victims blindfolded to undisclosed locations and i’d ask them what they smelled and they’d be like “omg ocean air and tulips” and then i’d rip off the blindfold and it would be A PILE OF THE BODIES OF MY PREVIOUS VICTIMS
my mom made me go to a therapist because of this
jakemalik:
me and my dog type each other messages sometimes
assiest:
why do people have to get ready for bed?
i’m always ready for bed
obamasbigblackdick:
never make a blog called obamasbigblackdick because your shitty sister will tell your parents and your parents will sign you up for counselling twice a week
dersely:
momlonde:
do you ever see a photograph of someone really attractive from like the 1800s and you suddenly get pissed because they’ve been dead for like 200 years and you probably don’t have a chance with them
“probably”
mom: *gets into car*
me: *violently shakes door handle until mom unlocks car*
tatertotblaine:
the price of a popcorn and soda at target: $1.99
the price of a popcorn and soda at the movies: an entire month’s rent and your first born child
